@TinaMav: We are the people our parents warned us about.
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@thepunningman: [murder scene] detective: "she drown?" cop: "after a blow to the head" d: "what's he doing?" me: [trying to draw chalk outline on river]
@Dutch_50: Pretty certain the day I die my body will be found tangled in Saran Wrap with an untouched sandwich on the counter.
@chuuew: [forest] ME: Gotta be quiet if we're gonna catch Bigfoot FRIEND: We want Bigfoot not Bigear! ME: Haha BIGEAR: [sobs quietly in the distance]