@CloydRivers: We broke up, but she said we could still be cousins. Merica.
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@YesitsAl: Wife thinks I was present for every conversation she's had with anyone, ever, and assumes I know what the hell she's talking about right now
@Jandalize: On the Hot Wheels isle helping a friend pick out a sweet Corvette that she promised her 18yo for graduation. Life's all about the wording.
@onion_an: [last day at job] "You've made my life a misery, I hate you all" [remembers my car is in the garage and I need a lift] "Not you tho Phil"