@CloydRivers: We broke up, but she said we could still be cousins. Merica.
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@rachelle_mandik: HIM: Hi, I'm Bill. ME: Hi, I'm...oh shit this is embarrassing. I'm not really good with names.
@onion_an: Dentist: I'm going to take your tooth out Me: Ok then [later that evening] Dentist: Well this is nice My tooth: I'm having a lovely time
@LnL245: "Huge hole found growing on surface of Sun" *drops string cheese* "This hole is no cause for alarm" *picks up string cheese*
@GashleyMadison: [at restaurant] -sees baby screaming in high chair -walks over & picks baby up -walks outside & puts baby down "You're free," I whisper.