@kumailn: We can find water on Mars but we can't something completely unrelated?
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@ericarhodes: "What's it like being a female comic?" "Well, you get asked what it's like being a female comic a lot."
@claire_mudie: If you lost your needle in a haystack then I don't think you were responsible enough to have had a needle in the first place. Needle loser.
@sixfootcandy: [at the airport] Customs: Do you have any drugs in your bag, Ma'am? Me: Sure. What can I get you?