@kumailn: We can find water on Mars but we can't something completely unrelated?
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@Hormonella: God: Let's give them the ability to feel remorse. Satan: I like that. Say, from 2:00 - 4:00 AM?
@simoncholland: Me: You know, one nice thing about being snowed in all weekend is we haven't had to spend any money. Wife: (clicking add to cart) So nice.
@EJGomez: sucks to be a bad guy in the teenage mutant ninja turtle world like "who stopped u" "turtles" "huh" "no they were like faster than normal"
@TheBoydP: TV Anchor: I don't have my Halloween costume yet but it's going to be cool and wet! Me: Wow you go girl! TVA: turning to weather... M: Oh...