@hellohappy_time: We can only blame SO much on trump. Some things are just Ryan Seacrest's fault.
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@WetzelGeek: Son, there's no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely.
@UncleDuke1969: My daughter, filling out a college app, called me at home to get my home number. Big shout out to the ex-wife for pissing in my gene pool.
@Darlainky: My single friends are always talking about clubbing and being hit on. Today's social scene sounds so violent.