@_mindflakes: We can put a man on the moon, but can we put a lobster in a postbox? Top scientists say: "stop calling here"
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@Midgetspar: I'll grow my beard out just so I can knock on a strangers door & whisper, "I'm here to pick your kid up for prom. Either one. I don't care."
@Playing_Dad: [At vet] Me: My dog has been throwing up what looks like egg shells. Vet: What have you been feeding him? Me: Egg shells.
@SooInnocentDad: Found my son and his GF naked in his room, Sex-ED is so advanced. Now, they also give homework!