@shariv67: We can put a robot on Mars but we can't make a hand rail that goes the same speed as an escalator.
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@caliraingirl: I love the smell of fabric softener through the outside vents when people do the laundry. I get a lot of restraining orders though.
@brendohare: On your first day of prison, go up to the biggest, scariest guy there, and ask him "Have you heard of updog?"
@TheTweetOfGod: People keep asking Me why I created mosquitoes. To bite you repeatedly and give you malaria, that's why.
@Moe_Murdah: Boyfriend questionnaire: 1) Have job? 2) Have car? 3) Have goals? If you answer yes to any of the above questions thanks but no thanks.