@Cheeseboy22: We can't afford to take our kids to a corn maze this year so we're going to take them to an IKEA instead.
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@jordan_stratton: SON: Daddy, I keep hearing noises from my closet. I think a monster's in there. ME: Yeah, why do you think mom and I chose the other room?
@UncleDuke1969: "I'm not angry, just disappointed. You need to try harder. This is important! Do I make myself clear?" "Sorry, sir. Here's your ketchup."
@bombsydoll: "I am not a human garbage disposal" *eats leftover mac n cheese anyway* *makes terrible grinding noise after accidentally swallowing fork*
@BuckyIsotope: HORSE: *walks into a bar* BARTENDER: Why the long face? HORSE: Updog BARTENDER: What’s updog? HORSE: Not much just walking into a bar