@TheMichaelRock: We could completely eliminate car thefts by making every car alarm sound like Hillary Clinton's laugh.
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@MelKassel: GENIE 1: he wanted money so i made him a bank robber, ha GENIE 2: i just...gave mine money GENIE 1: LMAO YOU GUYS, JERRY JUST GAVE IT TO HIM
@ObscureGent: Everyone wants to be a Viking until you set them out to sea on a boat that's on fire.
@lawyerthoughts: *throws phone over courthouse metal detector. catches phone on the other side. resumes conversation*
@Lerky: Me: Hey Mr. DJ, do you take requests? Dj: Yes. M: Excellent, can you turn it down a bit.