@MrSkinnyGenes: We don't have Taco Bell in South Africa because this country's been through too much already.
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@GABBYdaAngSaya: [Bookstore] Me: *hands over Tangled coloring book* Cashier: How old is your daughter? Me: [sweating nervously] Of course it is
@EndhooS: Wife: He's always lying about his celebrity connections.. Therapist: Is this true? Me: Just wait til Sonic The Hedgehog hears this bullshit.
@AnkCoupleTO: I tattooed the word "WINNER" on my forehead in case I meet anyone new and they have any doubts
@BadJordon: Dominos just called to let me know my pizza's on the way. They correctly assumed I'd need time to find my pants.