@longwall26: We don't have wifi in Tennessee. I just pray my tweets into my phone and let Him (#Christ) do the rest.
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@Reverend_Scott: If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
@TheHyyyype: WAITER: questions about the menu? ME: is it recycled paper? WAITER: no, i meant about what's on it ME: oh. what kind of ink is this?
@Quartzjixler: Doritos has a new snack called "Taco Explosion" so I'm suing Frito Lay for stealing my term for what occurs an hour after eating Taco Bell.
@BlotterMonkey: Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.