@longwall26: We don't have wifi in Tennessee. I just pray my tweets into my phone and let Him (#Christ) do the rest.
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@NewDadNotes: *cat rubs against genie lamp* G: you get one wish Cat:*makes eye contact & slowly pushes lamp off table* G: guess who just wished for a dog
@dubiousrhetoric: People: why do dogs bark at the mail man every single day Dogs: the mailman has literally never gotten in how do you not see what I'm doing
@MelvinofYork: My daughter gets all bossy when we’re playing with her Barbies, but I just smile. Then when she’s at school I play with them the way I want.
@VerifiedDrunk: Me- Can I borrow a screwdriver? Neighbor- Phillips or regular? Me- Grey Goose and Tropicana