@fightforfood: We get it, cacti, you have great biceps.
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@RamblingMachine: My crush said we can't be together because he's seeing another woman so I asked him to rub his eyes and check if I still look different.
@mynameisntdave: [diner] ME: I'll have the eggs, please WAITER: how would you like those? ME: painted and hidden for me to find, thank you.
@sexypitabread: I accidentally said "pastryarchy" instead of "patriarchy" and now I have a vision for a better world