@tedalexandro: We get it. If your candidate doesn't win in November, you're moving to the whitest English speaking country you can drive to.
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@Marlebean: *sees someone drop their wallet* *picks it up and runs after them* Excuse me! EXCUSE ME! You... *catches breath* Your outfit is hideous
@Not_James_Vogel: I'm a human alarm clock so when I wake up this early for no reason, I punch myself in the face to turn myself off.
@thetits: PARK RANGER: to be a guide you need to be able to name all the animals ME: no problem [later w/ a group] ME: that’s Greg, & that's Linda…