@therealeatwood: We get it, painters: you love naked women and bowls of fruit.
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@1followernodad: Fun prank: ONLY explain gay marriage to your kids and then watch other people try to explain their weird straight marriages.
@HomeProbably: I gave my son an iPhone for Christmas and I haven’t seen him since. Parenting is easy.
@TheMichaelRock: Someone called me stupid and then blocked me before I even had a chance to agree with them.
@alfageeek: When a dish comes out of the dishwasher still dirty, I just put it back in for another round, because I believe in second chances.