@clindsaysway: We got a tornado warning, and I'm too scared to open my windows. Don't want any sharks in my house.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@seandunn76: "Oh boy, what a day of having sex with real women," I yell too loud while passing my microwave.
@10InchesPlus: On the bright side, every moment Bieber spends Tweeting is a moment he isn't spending recording or performing music.
@cluedont: My grandad used to swear by refrigerators. And televisions. In fact, he was probably the most foul-mouthed member of staff Comet ever had.