@clindsaysway: We got a tornado warning, and I'm too scared to open my windows. Don't want any sharks in my house.
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@aveuaskew: In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn't the best way to respond to my therapist.
@iRowlf: Can prisoners ask for The Olive Garden's Endless Pasta for their last meal? If so, I think I just found a loophole in our judicial system.
@CodyJP9412: Old people that say tattoos are a waste of money: You have entire cabinets dedicated to plates that no one is allowed to use.