@clindsaysway: We got a tornado warning, and I'm too scared to open my windows. Don't want any sharks in my house.
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@INDlAN_: [shootout] Cop: I said fire a warning shot Me: I already did. Cop: you shot him in the face Me: warning the others that I’m a very good shot
@SuperTeeWhy: [Me, getting hauled out of a bank vault with 1,000 chameleons stapled around my body] "Damn"
@ElgatoEsmio: [trapped on a patch of ice that's melting in the Arctic ocean] [rubs Genie bottle] “can you hook me up with some wifi?"
@PaperWash: Commissioner: we'll need to stay in touch Batman: ok Commissioner: this stealth communication device will- Batman: LETS USE A GIANT SKY LAMP