@fillthevacuum: We got two inches of snow last night and now I can't find my Smart Car.
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@TheTweetOfGod: The two most popular gifts women receive on Valentine's Day are a box of things that make her fat and a bouquet of things she can watch die.
@AnkCoupleTO: I tried hypnotizing my wife but *cluck* I think *cluck cluck* something went wrong is that *cluck cluck cluck* corn on the ground?
@fmanjoo: In general my philosophy is do whatever you want if it doesn't hurt people and it's not two spaces after a period.