@fillthevacuum: We got two inches of snow last night and now I can't find my Smart Car.
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@ChrisHallbeck: How many Avengers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. Ant-Man and Wasp are the only ones small enough to fit inside a lightbulb.
@hero_ofthenight: If I worked at Starbucks I'd pull a Napoleon Dynamite every time. "I see you're drinking 2%, is that because you think you're fat?"
@KalvinMacleod: [inventing flies] GOD: make them eat shit ANGEL: got it GOD: make their babies the grossest things in the world ANGEL: ok who hurt you?