@That_Damn_Duck: *Watching YouTube videos* Boss: What are you watching? Me: .... Boss: ... Me: Church? Boss: That's a dog on a unicycle. Me: Praise The Lord!

@13spencer: [Justice League HQ] Batman: Hahaha *changes his HBO GO® password and doesn't give the new one to The Flash*

@NeinQuarterly: No, 2013, you were not the worst year. But thank you for trying.

@Robert_Beau: Grandma said she thinks her new neighbors have got the gay.

@TrainedHedonist: Car trouble, miss? Allow me to squint, and posture heroically while staring at your labyrinthine engine as panic cascades through my spine.