@ericsshadow: My wife and I asked my son who he loves most. He pointed all around. I said he had to choose, then he told us he was pointing at the wifi.

@RadOrDie: I bet a lot more people would read the Bible if it was called The Adventures of Jesus and Friends.

@ZaynabHashem2: 2017 whatsapp notification: Linda read your message and texted Morissa and they decided to go to McDonalds without you

@KimmyMonte: {commercial for Hallmark} This Valentine's Day, get her that piece of paper she always wanted with words on it.

@FilthyMacrame: I'm a man who hates rocks *smashes a rock with a sledgehammer* oh great I just made like a thousand more rocks