@goldengateblond: "We had unprotected sex. Give us a present." -- the subtext of every baby shower
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@KentWGraham: There should be a place on the organ donor card that lets you leave your middle finger to a person you hate.
@BryMastas: Someday, I wish Twitter will come up with a new & useful feature for once, like a sarcasm indicator for the ones who never get it.
@theshantilly: Him: I wanna be the man you fell in love with all those years ago. Me: You wanna be Ryan Reynolds?