@ScottLinnen: We have a ghost. Came home and found the fridge magnets rearranged: "I see dreadful people."
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@sarcasm_inc: Bouncer: Woah. Dress code Me: This is a suit B: Yeah, a chicken suit. *puts nugget in bouncer's pocket *pats it M: We good? B: Have fun, sir
@haleysfalling: accidentally added a "z" to the end of the word "think" in a text and suddenly my jeans are sagging below my ass and i have 3 chains on
@Ideal_Victoria: *puts up baby gates all around the outside of my house* There. That should keep 'em out.
@Pro_Jones_: Me: Mozart was a great composer, but now that he's dead he's a great Wife: I swear to God I'll divorce you Me: *through tears* Decomposer.