@a_olivia4212: We have a saying in Germany. It is better to have loved and lost than to engage in a land war with Russia in the winter.
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@ihateitmunky: a professional thief tries to steal my wallet but i'm wearing skinny jeans so his hand just gets stuck in my pocket
@bornmiserable: "Where do escalators come from?" "Well, when an Escalade and an alligator love each other very much..."
@Teeter_Totter: I don't care how hardcore you are. If you don't cry when Dumbo visits his mommy in elephant jail, you have no soul.
@fart: the real reason you shouldn’t flush condoms is the fish get caught in them and it makes the fishermen laugh so hard they fall off the boat