@alisonforns: "We have literally a zillion binders full of selfies." - Top Secret NSA Memo
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@Sophie2078: I spilled coffee over my keyboard, so I spent all day asking letters from my employees. "Give me a "g" "Give me an "h" They hate me now.
@SteveKoehler22: Research found happiness peaks at ages 23 and 65. Age 23 ~ excited to enter the work force Age 65 ~ relief at leaving the work force.
@LoveNLunchmeat: I miss being a kid and playing cowboys and Indians. Now whenever I chase people around with a tomahawk I get arrested.
@AnkCoupleTO: I'm lost & peeing on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, just wish this bear who's about to kill me gave me a little more privacy