@MitchBenn: We HAVE to stop North Korea! They're led by a pampered, delusional, vengeful fat rich guy with stupid hair and access to nuclear weap- oh.
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@Scorpio1080: The lottery gives you about a 1 in 200 million chance you won't be going to work tomorrow. Alcohol will give you a 1 in 5. #PowerballFever
@GeorgiaSweet20: Me:*on phone* OMG thats hilarious! OK I gotta go, everyones staring. K bye. *hangs up* Im ready. Priest: And do you take this man, in holy
@joshgondelman: I know a bunch of guys who are like Christian Grey but without the money and the handsomeness. They're in jail.