@SteveSuckington: We need to keep kids off drugs. It's hard enough to find them without kids buying them too
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@liv_thatsme: *writes kid's name in sharpie on arm every morning instead of getting tattoo just in case they end up being a disappointment*
@ericsshadow: My wife googled "when is it safe to leave a child at home alone" and now she won't let me stay home alone.
@murrman5: [trying to avoid awkward silence on first date] you ever see a horse throw up? "no" *smiles and turns phone sideways so video gets bigger*