@SteveSuckington: We need to keep kids off drugs. It's hard enough to find them without kids buying them too
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@rolldiggity: "Hey, man, just called to see when you're going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
@Scorpio1080: The lottery gives you about a 1 in 200 million chance you won't be going to work tomorrow. Alcohol will give you a 1 in 5. #PowerballFever
@Tmoney68: *quietly opens cheese wrapper* *dogs come running from upstairs* Me: How the hell did you hear that? [10 minutes later] *gf quietly opens bag of chips* Me: (from upstairs) ARE THOSE MY CHIPS?
@Smug_Lemur: [God creating the octopus] Idk, maybe make it look like the time I tried to cram the old pool noddles into a trash bag.