Funny Tweeter

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@SteveSuckington: We need to keep kids off drugs. It's hard enough to find them without kids buying them too

We need to keep kids off drugs. It’s hard enough to find them without kids buying them too
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@rolldiggity: "Hey, man, just called to see when you're going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations

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@Scorpio1080: The lottery gives you about a 1 in 200 million chance you won't be going to work tomorrow. Alcohol will give you a 1 in 5. #PowerballFever

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@Tmoney68: *quietly opens cheese wrapper* *dogs come running from upstairs* Me: How the hell did you hear that? [10 minutes later] *gf quietly opens bag of chips* Me: (from upstairs) ARE THOSE MY CHIPS?

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@Smug_Lemur: [God creating the octopus] Idk, maybe make it look like the time I tried to cram the old pool noddles into a trash bag.

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@robfee: Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.

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