@Maui_Speaks: Dear person who just turned in your resume with no name or phone number. You didn't get the job.

@Michael1979: At Christmas, it's important to pause and remember all those who have wronged you this year and how you can wreak vengeance on them in 2017

@miilkkk: Everyone says they want a fairytale wedding. But when I show up and curse their firstborn, suddenly I'm the jerk...

@BrendanHealy4: Wife texts husband 'Windows frozen', husband texts wife 'try bucket of warm water', wife texts husband 'computer not working at all now'

@LePetitOiseau_L: It's like my cat doesn't even appreciate it when I take the time to rake his litter box like a Zen Garden.