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@hazelmotes1: "We never talk anymore."
"I know. It's amazing!"
@WittySassBasket: Doctor: What's that on your shirt?
*flashback to shoving powdered donuts in my mouth*
Me: uh, cocaine
@NYC_Blonde: Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
@upsidedowntrash: [God creating lizards]
God: How about a snake with arms and legs?
Snake: [trys to throw its arms up in disgust, but just remains very still]
@hyperblastchic: Fried potatoes
Twice baked potatoes
-if Bubba grew up on a potato farm instead of a shrimp boat
@SortaBad: Why I don't get dates:
Her: It's been light-years since I've had this much fun
Me: Actually, a light-year is a unit of distance, not time