@shariv67: We only use 10% of our brains because the other 90% is busy regretting saying "You too!" to a waiter after he said "Enjoy your meal."
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@TheBoydP: How many coworkers have to ask you "what's that pee smell" before you admit you're wearing a new cologne? Is it four? Please say it's four.
@MelvinofYork: Me: Liar, liar, pants on fire! Nose as long as a telephone wire! Daughter: A telephone WHAT? Me: Wire. Daughter: That doesn’t make sense.
@JohnLyonTweets: I'm going to invent an app that tells you where the nearest bar is with no guy on a stool playing acoustic guitar.