@mallelis: we put a man on the moon but we can't keep him there. he keeps coming back. you stay on the moon. you stay there.
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@jonnysun: JESUS: everyone loves me GABRIEL: wat about judas GOD: o snap JESUS: dad GOD: u've just been… JESUS: dont do this GOD: TOUCHÉD BY AN ANGEL
@Beerhaze: Having a wife and daughters, I try bottles in the shower until I find one that doesn't burn my balls and wash myself all over with that one.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: How many people in America do you think I can trick into believing that Brexit is the name of one of Sarah Palin's kids?
@bush_piglet: Today I have learnt - if you try and give someone the finger whilst wearing mittens, you are basically just showing them your mittens.