@tastefactory: We really are the most blessed generation. We've had 7 iPhones and 7 Fast and Furious movies.
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@iLikeCatShirts: Me [trying to sound intellectual]: okay, okay which came first turkey the bird or Turkey the *points at map*
@OuterJohn: When people do a bunny impression they go straight for the cute little front paws. Not me. I fearfully sprint into traffic.
@abbycohenwl: Neighbor: I need to run to the store. Can you watch the baby? Me (thinks of Daredevil cued up on Netflix): I am a registered sex offender
@GrumpyComments: If a villain really wanted to kill James Bond, he should just inject HIV into one of his attractive cohorts and then wait.