@rzarosco: "We should definitely let dolphins go into space instead of monkeys" said one scientist obviously not a dolphin dressed up as a scientist
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@Dawn_M_: It's like the girl sitting in front of me on this bus doesn't want me to braid her hair.
@Brampersandon_: ME: *does entire national anthem with armpit farts* WIFE: see what I mean? THERAPIST: Mmmhmm *writes in notes: "she's nuts. This guy rules*
@MikeMcNeil_: Maybe your dog is barking at my bag because he doesn’t want to work in law enforcement anymore.
@TheAdly: Why is your ass split vertically? Because if it was split horizontally it would clap when you're going down the stairs.