@LOsepyan: We should let prisoners take their own mug shots...I shall call it "The cellfie"
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@AnkCoupleTO: I love picking out my wife's panties except this isn't my house and now some dudes are yelling for me to come downstairs with my hands up
@michelleisawolf: This weekend is daylight savings time, which means the clock on my microwave will be right again.
@occupied_stall: I just saw a woman walk out of the pizza place with 8 large pizzas. Stay with me I'm gonna live stream my proposal..
@ben_watt: Just now on tube. Man in rush loses coat draped round shoulders in train doors. Woman retrieves it and calls out 'Batman, your cape.'