@GrantTanaka: We should probably abolish the death penalty since we don't even get to throw rotten vegetables at people anymore
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@Jenny4ashley: My boyfriend is so needy. Always demanding things like "please untie me" and "just tell me who you are".
@Brampersandon_: Today's episode of Wheel of Fortune has been cancelled because Jesus took the wheel.
@sarcasticmommy4: My kids say I need to stop trying to embarrass them but joke's on them because I'm not even trying.
@Sickayduh: DAD: I want a steak. HER: Eat this chicken instead. It's healthy. DAD: No it isn't. It's dead.