@GrantTanaka: We should probably abolish the death penalty since we don't even get to throw rotten vegetables at people anymore
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@peterjames48: You're leaving Twitter? For good? That's too bad. We'll miss you. See you next week!
@ibid78: 🎶 And I would walk 500 ft. and I would walk 500 more/ Just to be the man who stayed 1000 ft away as ordered by the court 🎶
@GABBYdaAngSaya: [Bookstore] Me: *hands over Tangled coloring book* Cashier: How old is your daughter? Me: [sweating nervously] Of course it is
@Reverend_Scott: SON: Can horses run in the Olympics? DAD: Wouldn't be fair SON: Why not? DAD: [hand on son's shoulder] Usain Bolt is just too fast, buddy