@GrantTanaka: We should probably abolish the death penalty since we don't even get to throw rotten vegetables at people anymore
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@stephenjmolloy: Me: Got my finger stuck in this beer bottle. Wife: How?! M: Just help me. W: Have you tried butter? M: It's delicious. Now will you help me?
@david8hughes: [taking baby's shoes off & examining the soles] "Oh look, completely clean. It's almost as if you were carried everywhere."
@KKAlThani: My biggest fear is laughing at a joke I didn't understand and someone asks me to explain it to them.