@_Enanem_: I've discovered a magical land through the back of the wardrobe, it's inhabitants are similar to my neighbours, albeit a lot more hostile.
@WheelTod: I'd been using my new hand-mirror for over 6 months before I realized it was actually a framed stock photo of a much less handsome man.
@PajamaStew: Bad Coroner: This guy you brought in a few days ago, I think I know how he died. The last thing he ate was spaghetti with bullets in it.
@AnkCoupleTO: [estate planning]
Advisor: Have you thought about an end-of-life gift?
Me: I'll be dead, that's a big enough gift for everyone
@P_o_n_k: BRUNO MARS: I'd catch a grenade for ya
ME: Thanks, but I'd probably still die.
BRUNO MARS: Jump in front of a train for ya
ME: Again...
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