@inikoblue: Although I'm not exactly overjoyed with my single status. I thank God I'm not married to the obviously married guy hitting on me.

@kpcuk: There are 10 types of people in the world - those who know binary and those who other people talk to in the bar :-)

@truegritrumble: ME: I'm gonna plug my Twitter handle. WIFE: Please don't. ME: I'm gonna do it *walks to the microphone in front of the funeral*

@lloydrang: I've found that whenever God closes a door, Satan hands me a lockpick.

@AnOrangeSNES: [Standing still for a picture] I guess you can say I'm *turns around for a second and the camera goes off* not good at posing for pictures.