@a_lolbrarian: We went to the planetarium today and when the voiceover said “this is the earth” one of the kids booed
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@MBittersweet25: Every time my Father in law gets trashed, he asks if I've lost weight... So naturally I bring a bottle of scotch every time we visit.
@AngryRaccoon2: No coroner will need to do an autopsy to see what I ate, they'll just need to shake out my bra.
@ImaFlyontheWall: Receptionist: So you're here about your carpal tunnel huh..fill out these 20 forms and press hard so the copies are clear
@AndrewNadeau0: MUFASA: Everything the light touches is our kingdom. ME: What about shadows or when it's cloudy? MUFASA: *Sigh* Wh…why are you like this?