@trumpetcake: Wear only a towel around your waist and you can get into just about anywhere if you just repeat "so sorry so sorry" and keep moving forward.
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@aveuaskew: When my evening plans are ruined, I pay it forward by texting "I'm pregnant" to random numbers.
@murrman5: [roommate watching me after my gf leaves] just tell her. she probably loves hair [me taking off bald cap] im in too deep now