@trumpetcake: Wear only a towel around your waist and you can get into just about anywhere if you just repeat "so sorry so sorry" and keep moving forward.
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@UtilityLimb: the average person eats three spiders a year, but as you're about to find out, it takes an entire year for three spiders to eat a person
@Darlainky: At Jurassic Park when they say to keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times, they mean it.
@GBRougecity: I don't believe in reincarnation but damn my dog looks like he's trying to crank over a motorcycle while he's sleeping.
@GoldenSpirals: Walks up in da club like "Has anyone seen my Mom? She'll be the one trying to cover up everyone's cleavage."