@lasergirl70: Wearing a pretty new bra today that nobody else is gonna see, so everytime I go to the bathroom, I flash myself in the mirror.
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@MikeCanRant: Thanks History Channel for letting me know that this scene showing General Custer at the Battle of Little Bighorn is a dramatization.
@ehdannyboy: Wife: [looking out of window] Go and talk to our son. He's outside looking forlorn. Me: [goes outside] *points to grass* it's there u prick
@Underchilde: I hate it when I have lots of visitors but only enough chloroform for one and have to use it on myself.
@Cheeseboy22: Sometimes I'll stop the treadmill at the gym and run in place. When people ask me what I'm doing, I'll say, "Pretend stoplight."