@lasergirl70: Wearing a pretty new bra today that nobody else is gonna see, so everytime I go to the bathroom, I flash myself in the mirror.
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@SenseiSandwich: *draws a sharpie mustache on my grandma* lol you cant hang loser. passin out w/ shoes on? rookie "Sir please step away from the casket"
@DrCat_MD: [cat clinic] DR. CAT: What seems to be the problem? CAT: Me-ow DR. CAT: You need to be more specific
@RocketRankoon: You've won this round supervisor, but accidentally leave your Ok Cupid profile open one more time and you'll be a transgender time traveler.
@Swishergirl24: Police officer: Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I'm just as confused as you are.