@smint: Wearing 'EarPods' is my favorite way of making the rest of the world believe my verbal outbursts are part of a heated phone conversation.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@kumailn: He-Man wasn't gay. He was just uninterested in Teela and was very good friends with a man named Fisto.
@aksorojas: sad day today because: 1. my fish in the aquarium is missing. 2. my cat won’t eat his dinner.
@brynnester: As I get older and I remember all the people I've lost along the way I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me
@Reverend_Scott: *rubs magic lamp, genie appears* "You get 2 wishes." I wish I got 3 wishes. "Your wish is granted." Nice, nice. "You have 2 left."