@BadJordon: Wearing my bathing suit as underwear in case a random pool party breaks out sounds way better than too lazy to do laundry.
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@RogueGod: After two divorces, I think I've found the key to a successful marriage. Don't marry a c**t.
@CoopSoSarc: Walking out the door, my daughter tells me she can't wait to see Ariel with the crabs. Now I'm questioning which section I bought that DVD.
@shutupmikeginn: Advantage of seeing a goose: you just saw something interesting my friend. Disadvantage: next goose experience less meaningful