@BadJordon: Wearing my bathing suit as underwear in case a random pool party breaks out sounds way better than too lazy to do laundry.
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@TomTheWicked: If I've learned anything from Twitter, it's that you shouldn't be learning on Twitter.
@Mr_Kapowski: U.S. DEPT OF FORESTRY: Sir, we believe you're hunting illegally GUY IN ALL CAMO W/ ORANGE HAT: *takes off hat* USDOF: Dammit we lost him
@bush_piglet: Yay! my car has a parking sensor and I didn't know. When I reverse too far it makes a banging, crunching noise.
@Storminika: Me: 'Why are you going through my phone?' BF: 'Do you have something to hide?' Me: 'I'm gonna have a body to hide if you keep it up.'