@ImaFlyontheWall: Wears a black shirt to a first dates house to see if shes lying about having cats
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@CornOnTheGoblin: [goes to sign up for course on how to handle bad news better] "sorry, we're full" [lights myself on fire]
@graceful_asfuck: Interviewer: Where do you want to be in 5 years? Me: Oh, it doesn't matter. You will have fired me well before then.
@ThinkingSavage: All I'm saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us but whatever be that way.
@loudmouth_usa: Him: If you could have dinner with any people, living or dead, who would you choose? Me: All the dead ones