@ImaFlyontheWall: Wears a black shirt to a first dates house to see if shes lying about having cats
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@sirmunchie: For Valentine's Day my GF upped my life insurance policy. Unrelated, anyone know why there's a ticking sound coming from underneath my car?
@LoveNLunchmeat: My kid asked how the Easter bunny gets inside the house and I'm very uncomfortable with the amount of lying this parenting gig requires.
@MarfSalvador: Cop: My informant told me where the killer is Chief: Nice. Did he give you a name? Cop: No chief *frowns* my parents did that