@DirtMcTurd: "We have a new product, it washes hair but it needs a name" Shamcrap?! "Awful" Shampoop?! "Get out!" Shampoo? "Genius!"

@shkeeber: If dolphins are so smart, how come they're never on Jeopardy?

@InternetHippo: [my cell phone rings] ME (a person who pays a monthly fee to allow this): Ugh why is this happening

@causticbob: what's the medical term for a female-to-male gender reassignment surgery? an addadictomy

@gerryhallcomedy: "I really wish I could squeeze that piano over and over" - guy who invented the accordion