@trojansauce: *wears one gryffindor and one slytherin sock to work to represent the internal human struggle between good and evil*
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@DadBeard: If pizza places cold called people's homes and asked if they wanted to order a pizza, I guarantee you their business would triple.
@Bandersnaaatch: Sorry I haven't been able to get back to you, I've been pretty busy chasing this cherry tomato around my plate with a fork. Almost. Got. It.
@iwearaonesie: *pulls curtain back while wife is in the shower* me: Are we - stop screaming, it's just me- are we out of Cheetos?
@davidkenny100: A prankster draws glasses on all the photos In Lois Lanes family photo album... Lois Lane: "this is not my family photo album!"