@mejustbeth: Weather man said all you need today is sunglasses and sunscreen but I think I'll put some clothes on too.
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@panmidwest: [texting gf across the table from me so the people we're making fun of won't hear] HER: hahaha ME: i can see you & you did not laugh at all
@T_Bonezzz_: Nicholson: You want answers?! Cruise: I want the truth!! Nicholson: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! Cruise: mmk... how bout a little hint?
@GabbbarSingh: If only Lord Ram used Apple maps to reach Ayodhya, Beijing would have been celebrating Diwali today.
@LizHackett: On one hand, I'm intrigued by witchcraft. On the other hand, it seems like it involves a lot of chopping and cooking.