@mynameshank: WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
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@TheRohiniReddy: I want to have kids before my parents are too old to be able to take care of them.
@SteveDutzy: *logs on Facebook IT'S YOUR OLD HIGH SCHOOL BULLY'S BIRTHDAY TODAY! *logs off WAIT COME BACK! YOU HAVEN'T HEARD ABOUT YOUR EX'S ENGAGEMENT!
@StephenBCramer: I installed a mirror in front of my toilet so that when I run out of things to read I will have someone to talk to.