@mynameshank: WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
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@Storminika: I win arguments with cab drivers by getting out of the cab and leaving the door open.
@ibid78: Judge: You're sentenced to death. You'll be hung. Wife from the back: HE'S ALREADY HUNG. Me: Your Honor uncuff me so I can high five my wife
@AbrasiveGhost: [Me as a Realtor] BUYERS: this is a great house, what's the catch? ME: Well, it is a bit.. [cant think of the word haunted] ghost encrusted