@mynameshank: WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
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@ScottLinnen: Your "COEXIST" sticker inspired me to slip a Madagascar hissing cockroach through your car window at the mall. Peace.
@hipchkk: Apparently, some parents are not appreciative of a sweet super supportive air horn during a children's piano recital.
@AmericanGent69: *slow jams playing in the background Her: take off my pants Me: oh my bad, right, ok I totally thought these were mine.
@facciabella: When someone says "everything happens for a reason," I stab them and laugh, just so they know I understand.