@ChipKellysBalls: WebMD is a Choose Your Own Adventure book where every single story ends in malignant cancer
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@Momtoteens: Daughter just told me my hair looks good. The request for a ride will be coming in less than 10 minutes.
@KalvinMacleod: When my wife tells me to wear sunscreen and I refuse to listen, it shows that I am my own man who is badly sunburned.
@thepunningman: "What's that?" I call it a 'knife' "Wow, that's the best thing since bread!" Gregory, I am about to blow your mind