@ChipKellysBalls: WebMD is a Choose Your Own Adventure book where every single story ends in malignant cancer
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@ramenfuneral: when i was a kid, i thought getting arrested for shoplifting meant getting in trouble for trying to carry a store like popeye or something
@ShortSleeveSuit: [in class] Hermione: For once I want the teacher to get my name right! Gar4y With a Silent 4: Totally know what ya mean
@keeperoftheday: Girl: come over. Guy: I'm coming over. Girl: we should stop using walkie talkies in bed over.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 3-year-old put a blanket over her head and ran around like it was an invisibility cloak, but not for long. It made walls invisible, too.