@ChipKellysBalls: WebMD is a Choose Your Own Adventure book where every single story ends in malignant cancer
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@dinokitten: Dad: Why do you smell like weed? Me: How do you know what weed smells like?! Busted, mister! You're grounded for a week. Dad: Okaayy :(
@WheelTod: [I open my lunchbox to find pair of wife's underwear] But that means... [Cut to my wife opening her lunchbox to find a pair of my underwear]
@RobDenBleyker: If you commit a crime be sure to wear running clothes, so if you need to flee the scene cops will just think "Look at that healthy jogger"