@SteveSuckington: [homeless guy walks up to me at the park]
"what are you doing inside my house?"
@Kendragarden: I say "Have a good one" instead of "Have a nice day" because I'm so mysterious. One what? You just don't know!
@Jeffwni: 13yo Jesus: You're not my real dad! I HATE YOU!
Joseph: One of these days boy, I'll— [distant thunder] I'll do nothing. Absolutely nothing.
@girl_a_whirl: WEBMD: Enter symptoms
Me: cold chills, squishy brain, stinging skin
WEBMD: You are a jellyfish
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