@Underchilde: Wedding rehearsals, because ruining your life takes practice.
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@jctwritesstuff: *watching The Revenant* *rewind* *play* *rewind* *play* *rewind* *play* Him: What are you doing? Me: Taking notes for when I fight a bear.
@david8hughes: [turns up radio in the car] Me: I love this song. I want us to conceive our first child to it Hitchhiker: dude just drop me off here
@Slims_Ramblings: I saw a picture of myself on a milk carton once but my new family was rich so I kept my mouth shut.
@samiam604: *me at Target* "Hey baby, you want some of this?" *offering to share my chocolate Twizzlers* Her: *calls security* ~Flirting is so hard