@TaintUrBalls: Weed is better than beer because with weed the ugly chick stays ugly.
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@BlaineBruce: My dog plays this fun game where she holds her bladder until she gets inside the house
@GrantTanaka: "You know the speed limit here, son?" 45 "You know how fast you were going?" 88 "So where you off to in such a hurry?" 1985
@OldSpookMan: A homeless guy asked me "would you give me $5 for a sandwich?" I said "I don't know man, show me the sandwich first."