@Death_Buddy: Weighing up my bread heating options
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@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said that we need to have a talk after my 2 year old goes down for a nap so I filled her sippy cup with Red Bull.
@AdriannaLaCervx: I squish my belly fat around during serious conversations because I have intimacy issues.
@themorris23: Ive always hated math because, in my head, all the word problems sounded like this: The spaghetti envelopes are triangular. Find X.