@Death_Buddy: Weighing up my bread heating options
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@T_Bonezzz_: "One day, I will create a global business-oriented social networking service" - Abraham LinkedIn
@Storminika: During labour, nurse came up to me & said, 'How about Epidural Anesthesia?' I was like, 'Thanks, but I already picked a name.
@1Bad_Scientist: Me: how was your date? Friend: I ruined her panties. M: Wow that's hot man. F: No she got food poisoning from my cooking, bro.
@NurseMurderer: I want to put hot dogs on my fingers so I have extra long, floppy, hot dog fingers.