@AbbyHasIssues: Friend: Did you eat already or do you want to get food?
Me: Correct.
@kimtopher22: Getting my hair done Monday.
Good news for the kids who scream "WITCH" as they pass by my house, bad news for the birds that live in it.
@Jamie1947: a little too long, but basically a perfect tweet
@TweetsByBilal: Meghan Markle: breathes
Press: Meghan Markle wages war on global oxygen supply by hoarding depleting resources within her lungs.
@coolandbreezey: My guardian angel deserves a raise
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