@joci2203: Weird how people think I won't summon Satan when they talk to me while chewing.
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@AmericanGent69: Facebook Friend: I woke up at 3:30am so I could sneak in a 8 mile run. Me: I skipped showering so I could sleep an extra 15 minutes.
@liveluvlaugh65: Women are like angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly....... on a broomstick, we're flexible like that
@bourgeoisalien: Is there an apology card for: Sorry I kidnapped your dog and made him run on a treadmill to power my toaster last week, or no?