@joci2203: Weird how people think I won't summon Satan when they talk to me while chewing.
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@MisterBombay: I once dated a woman named Kim who hated to be called Kimberly. Then I dated a woman named Chelsea who really hated to be called Kimberly
@CulturedRuffian: Hey waiters-I don't ever 'save room for dessert', I just stuff it in there and pray to God I don't have an accident.
@zachreinert03: The word tag is confusing. It can mean spray paint or touch someone & they're it. Either way, there's a purple kid in my neighborhood now
@TheWeirdWorld: The biggest joke of Spongebob is that he can work in a fast food restaurant and still afford to buy a house.