@Parentpains: Weird, my coworker has bragged all day about his pending vacation and now his headlights have kicked themselves in.
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@buttgh0st: [following girl off elevator] you cant hate snakes and then say u love dragons, because theyre actually extremely similar. in a lot of mytho
@jwoodham: The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it's like excuse me, I'm working here.
@BuckyIsotope: *moon landing* That's one small step for man, one giant leap for updog "What's updog?" NOT MUCH JUST WALKING ON THE MOON WHAT'S UP WITH YOU
@Ideal_Victoria: The good thing about being tall is, you can't get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can't get lost in a crowd.