@sevenxx7: Weird; People in my office have started naming the food in the company fridge. Today I ate a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
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@Dawn_M_: When people are kissing in public, it's weird how angry they get when you try and join in.
@TheAlexNevil: *watching an old Lassie show Me: How come you can't do those things? Dog (mutters): If we had a well I'd push you into it.
@XplodingUnicorn: Dear Britain, This Brexit vote is all wrong If you want to leave the EU, dump some tea in the harbor and fight a war. Sincerely, America
@novicefather: [grocery store with 2yo] Cashier: your son is so cute. What do you want to have next? Me: a vasectomy