@AaronFullerton: "Welcome to 9-1-1, Florida. If you're calling about a matter related to George Zimmerman, please press 2. Otherwise, stay on the line..."
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@KizerBillhelm: My friend just ordered a kale and quinoa salad and a side of eggplant fries and now I'm blinded by whiteness.
@weinerdog4life: Honey, I made the news! Apparently that old lady I fought at the library wasn't a ghost
@GianDoh: The Wizard of Oz (1939): A Kansas runaway discovers the psychedelic powers of blunt-force head trauma.
@AlexRogaski: The difference between running and jogging is that runners compete in races and joggers find dead bodies on Law and Order