@jwoodham: Welcome to Applebee's! Can I take your order or do you need a few minutes to reflect on the mistakes you made in life that led you here?
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@TheCatWhisprer: I hate when I think there's an open parking space and then I have to run over a motorcycle.
@BeerOholic: Warning to ppl who drink & drive, yday while driving, frnd took his arm out to indicate right turn & someone took his beer. Rascals! #txt
@iwearaonesie: 9: Have you seen my harmonica? [flashback to me smashing it with a hammer] me: Did you look under your bed?