@ClichedOut: Welcome to Backhanded Compliment Club, it's so nice to meet people who don't care how they look
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@kelkulus: What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this!
@LeBearGirdle: Wife: [watching the news] oh God, did you see Petsmart got robbed?! Me: [loud barks coming from all 19 pockets of my parachute pants] nope
@DanMentos: "I've got cat-like T-Rexes" Don't you mean cat-like reflexes? *Tyrannosaurus pounces on you*
@TheMichaelRock: Me: did you get into my weed again? Wife *dipping a pop tart in ranch dressing* what?